Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

You said I can come with you today
To visit a special grave
No word, no call, no message or form
I wanted so bad for me to see
A place, even if it’s hidden to society.
I cried waiting for you to show
but you’re gone, like you don’t even exist.
My heart is in pain.
I wanted to die!!!
I don’t know where you are
I don’t know what you do
I’ve attached myself to you
and I’m afraid I would die
because you are not at my side

Link: http://www.facebook.com/notes-from-the-grave.html

After a long pause of writing in WordPress.
I’m back – Going to stop writing my notes in Facebook since I just want to get away.

Last weekend (long weekend) was one of my painful experience. Too much emotional distress that I actually got sick because of him.
I was crying the whole day from the pain in my heart that I felt left out.
And even now, it still hurts just thinking of it.

Runny nose, coughing, migraine – right side, back of my head, chills, feels like I got a fever, but I’m at work and even if slept, the following day I still feel the headache. I took a medication but it’s not good. Felt the pain again, but it’s tolerable now unlike before – every time I move, head hurts. I lost weigh even I ate some a cake. And I thought I gain. Sometimes I don’t feel like eating, even I have some chocolates in me.. I don’t know, maybe later or something (we’ll see) Thirst. I dreamed of drinking too much water – I don’t know if it’s connected but everything I’ve experience in my emotional distress is all here. Dreamed also my late grandmother – As I recall, she was just finished watching a movie and I was preparing my stuff with the help of my mother for school since I’m late.

Nothing but tears of pain. After everything I have done for him, I end up nothing. Many have said that he’s not worth it, but how can I leave him when love blinds me? Even if he have nothing, I just can’t leave him and that is the sad true that I am going through, because I don’t want to loose my life, to be broken, to feel even more pain when he’s gone in my life. To remain nothing more than just a dead memories of the past.

Never again will our path cross
for you have left me behind.
Excluded, forgotten and denied
like I never existed.

We are friends but neither close nor far from strangers
I leave you with no concern nor hate.
For you do your way, and I do mine.

You speak too much
and never listens
A jack of all trades
yet master of non
Intrigued to all,
yet on shallow grounds.

One friend wont make any difference
When one fades away.
For your eyes sees far and wide
And a lot to spare in your way.

I am a ghost that does not speak
a nameless fool yet trying to be meek
excluded not included I’ve always been
so be it may hidden in the eyes of you.

Though she sits alone in darkness, she prays for someone to love and be loved.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships. However, it is a subjective experience.[1] Loneliness has also been described as social pain – a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of undesired isolation and motivate her/him to seek social connections.[2] -reference

The word seems so familiar to me and yet seems strange.. that I had to look for a definition to it, just to understand. There are times that I do feel lonely, in spite the people around you, you still feel empty inside and practically dead.

I have checked my previous artworks, since most I’ve done reflects on how I feel and my mood. It’s true most that I wrote and done are about sadness and pain, but not because that I’m alone… it’s because of the people who caused me sadness that disappoints me from friendship and family… and only now I realize that I don’t think about living the rest of my life being alone, though I definitely feel it… I still hope and pray that someday I will meet a guy who will love me true and all that dreamy aspect of it.. or maybe my soul mate will come for me, but just died… who knows what each and everyone holds for their future.. Of course its sad and even scary to be alone, for it is every person fears it, other than death. But I guess the point of being alone is to understand deeper yourself and trying to change on how things would go and don’t let that loneliness pull you down or even lose yourself in the process for the sake of companionship.. for sometimes being alone gives you a peace of mind. It’s how you handle yourself, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.. never lose that hope of ever finding the right person for you and ….for me as well, but as we wait.. don’t think too much of it for True Love finds its way when it is the right time. It’s not to be rushed.  I know it sounds cliché , but that’s how life goes. Do not let other dreams held back in living your life to the fullest for we have only one. 

UPDATE: (June 3, 2011)
This article is about being alone in a sense of not having someone to love and wanted to be loved, a companionship, but just lately, I didn’t realize that there are people who do feel lonely, in a sense of sex… Man! (I’m such a… blank.) Yeah, I kinda understand that sense of depression or a problematic scenario, though I honestly can’t relate to that feeling since I never done it… the urge of having sex… it really doesn’t concern me.. I have my own problems which is more important than sex..
Anyway, I do know someone who take this problem way too seriously that often finds herself crying for she misses her ex-husband and “feeling lonely” that she’s afraid to be alone, (probably no sex for a long time). Me and other of her friends often tell her that she don’t need to think about those stuff, since she has a lot more important things.. like taking care of her daughter. But sometimes… no matter how we say the right thing or give good advice, in the end… we, ourselves are the ones who make a choice. To be happy or lonely.. is basically all in the mind. No one wants to be sad forever… and no one will.

*NOTE: I decided to write about being alone, since I read something of it…. maybe some people do feel lonely in a sense of a sex thing.


Have you ever felt the hopelessness even if it hasn’t even begun, that all you can possibly do…….. is cry.