Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Rekindled

Posted: March 4, 2013 in Journal, Life
Tags: , , , ,

Its been 3 months and ? days since I wrote in here, though life is moving.  I decide to move  forward as well.

My 1st bf and I got back together unexpectedly this January and actually tom. is our 2nd Monthsary.  After experiencing  twice the mishap of my love life, I happen to cherish my 1st bf whom I broke up with. I was mean to him when we finally part ways and I try to avoided him, but he persisted until I snap and that is why guilt caused me to look for him because I realize he never did done anything to hurt me. (I was forgiven and took me back again) I was thinking that I helped and cared so much for these 2 exes of mine and nothing good have done to me. Cris broke my heart and Jun just treated me badly, that anger still lingers in me to both.

(Speaking of the devils, Cris tried to contact me through my mom’s cel (March 1) after I recently changed my number. I decided to end any communications with them, not unless they visit my home. Still traumatic from Jun(Angelo) whenever he miss call and one time he texted that he will be visiting the neighborhood and drop by. I never ever wanted that guy again. Never did love him, I just took pity before since he needed some freaking in help in life.)

Anyway, I guess that is the reason why I got back to the person who simply loved me even I’m a moody, angry person. I been broken and scarred for life that I gave up, not wanting anymore guys who I will go through that “getting to know you” phase. I don’t want to be fooled and be used again after everything that soon or later it will leave me with nothing more than a sad and terrible memories that never seems to fade.

Eugene deserves more of  my love and support after all we were together 4 years before and he is like my best friend and I make sure I wont loose him again.  My heart is at peace.

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ANGELO J. ADRIANO JR.

I damned you to hell! Conceited and Ungrateful bastard! I do pray that aids will get you soon for you to change and humble yourself. With all the casual sex in your life; the hoes you’ve tried and the previous exes. No LOVE nor COMPASSION will ever come to you from this day forth. Admiration will bring them close, but no one will ever remain for as soon as they sees inside you, your glory will soon fade. You are Not God’s gift to women but only a curse of ever knowing as I have known the dark side of you. You never Loved anyone but yourself and so You shall be bound forever to live alone for the rest of your life. Surrounded by luxury clothes that in time will turn to rags that reflects your true character as I have seen it. 

You never suffered enough to realize anything I’ve done that I was with you. You given me that burden and force. Enslaving me thinking its submissive but its not. Cussing me more than once for not doing EVERYTHING you demanded. Who are you to order me around like a mindless puppet? Do I deserve to be mistreated like you have??? Abused and harassed with your fouled mouth.

With just a simple act of my ignorance and a plea for some equality, I bring out the Worst in you?  You never know what you have done to me that You are the WORST of all people I’ve known and so you bring out the Demon in me. You have put me to hell even for a short time that I’ve spent with you. No other will ever come after me. Disrespectful you man hoe.

I damned you to hell over and over again!!! All that I’ve written here are no more than a whispering words of anger, that through time will never cease until be true. 

What is the worst thing that you did to your friends???

Hmm… well in my case.. usually some of my so called friends have done something which ended up my worst act to them…. being to shut them out of my life, hoping for me to forget all there is about them. No word of goodbyes, communication, avoid and the worst part of me is keeping that hate inside of me, which I can never remove, no matter how I wanted to be… good.

“Friends don’t manipulate friends, they help each other” -The Vampire Diaries Katherine

The only thing that can free me from everything I hate and the people that caused it, is to leave them and forget, but as we know we can never forget all that has given us that impact to remind us of somethings. Only death can be done.

*Giving too much effort on someone can be frustrating, specially when it’s not appreciated.

Silence …. a simple word that leads to many reasons

UPDATE: 07.13.11

A word that simply leads to many…

  •  Don’t know how to react.
  •  Nothing GOOD to say.
  •  Too Lazy to speak.
  •  Means to an END.
  •  Avoiding conflict.
  •  Not a CARE in the world.
  •  No one ever Listens.

……….. SILENCE.

…. what else is there?

*Exception, when done something, even with no words, rather nothing at all.

He greets everyone even from far away lands,

while I listen and do not mind.

But hearing those whom he values and appreciate

Often leaves me feeling small and nothing.

Would it killed him to show some appreciation?

All I ask is a little recognition,

I don’t speak much,

but I listen and support never the less.

I’ve lost faith to ask for songs,

for many times I try, he never listens or acknowledge

Should I not care?

To get rid of my despair.

How long must I try.. trying to be heard.

For all is mention, that leaves nothing else to say.

Some people can easily kills your spirit,

depends whom you look up to..

I just lost mine….

Sometimes, I feel that most DJ’s or other media related,  just seems too stuck up and fakers.. They seem to be so enthusiastic and sounds energetic but, their personality are  somewhat dismay and snobbish. I do have my favorite DJ’s and I guess Koji isn’t my top best anymore. It sad that he doesn’t really cares for me, even he knows how much I adore him or showing some support by focusing only him. I never made any custom message or greetings to any DJ’s except for him.

When I like a person, I have a tendency to make something out of my own effort. I do take time to make something, to let them feel that they are special to me and it hurts me, not hearing anything of recognition, like I never exist.

For me, to be acknowledged by someone who I admire, is more than enough to be happy and a sense of gratification that fulfills it.  It measures the value of ones person to the other, like a self-worth and everybody just wants to feel important. Is that too hard to ask of him? I never for money or love.. just even an ounce of care from a fan.

I hear him on radio, yet his voice is so empty. It felt that time passes by during his shift and I never felt that he ever came on-air. He still poke me back, (whenever he feel like it) but it’s nothing for him. He never reply all my messages before, that came to my senses to lessen it and I just felt that I don’t have anything to say. . .  I just lost the eagerness to know him…