I keep wondering why wont you tell me the truth?!
that you stayed over to your beloved friend’s (girl) house and litterally slept together
instead you just keep lying to my face
that you love me and not her
you wanted her to be the one to tell the truth?
Clearly you never were man enough.
You never were father enough for your son either

Why don’t you redeem yourself to tell the truth
that you don’t love me anymore
to leave you alone
to break my heart and crush my soul
To be the villian that you really are
to save yourself from guilty conscience
that I may leave you instead?

Why do you still hold my hand when were together
kiss and hug me as we sleep together
Why do you lie to my face that you love me?
Stop using me if you’re sick of me.

After all I did and love you
If you really wish to be free, then say so
Give both ourselves closure and end this facade
forget each other be rid of you knowing

But this I say, I will never forgive you
You and your beloved friend (also her cousin)
will suffer your fate for crossing me.
Ungrateful bastard.
As long as I live, my heart is fueled by fury
that someday you will be sorry
that you created a monster from your fooling games you play
This I swear!




Posted: May 19, 2012 in Journal

Looking for a place to escape..
to ease my mind..
to be free..



Posted: May 17, 2012 in Journal

Been reading and Copper is right all along. I never realize that there is such a guy who is “malandi”  but I think the correct term is “flirt”.

He made me believe that there’s nothing going on ,nor malice attached to his close friend/drinking buddy but I finally have proof and the fact that he LIED, it changes everything and hides his visit with her and other friends just to drunk themselves until money is wasted again. I use to love him telling me all sorts, his experience, his life and shares to me his problems like we best of friends. Sad to say its the only aspect of him that I fell for. Not his wits, nor humor and most definitely not his looks and status of life.

I wanted to save himself to make good choices, to be with good educated friends who might be of help to influence him because all in his past are nothing but failure. No wonder he yearns for fun and just mindless excitement with a friend that is the same as him — so struggling and lost. Trying to compensate that hunger for his own greed that he can’t afford.

How can I help a person (give him an opportunity to have a better job than his current )whom that has no love for me and only abuse my kindness and love. In spite of everything that I gave, yet he still choose his beloved friend whom he will never be more than just a friend to her. I had enough of him. Tired of pretending. Vengeance is also not worth my time to take for I have plans of my own for a better future without him. My regret is that I grew fond of  his family (mother, step sisters, brother and son) and it will all soon be just a memory.

Sadly he is just a loss cause for me. A hopeless case. You wish for no marriage since you tell yourself that you are strong and can survive being alone, then do not worry for no woman will ever stay with you long, eventually all your relationships will just turn to dust and fail. I see that is your fate. Your beloved friend will eventually get pregnant from a guy who barely knows him and will leave her just the way you use to do with your other gf  whom you pregnant with and who knows you’ll end up together, but I hope not for you need to suffer deeply for what you have done. My fury to you will never die until you’re dead or I

…. It’s bee a while since I wrote in here.

Feel inlove.. became lovers. Broken my heart. Felt stupid. Accepting friendship just to save something and realize we grew apart. Still it hurts. Cried. 


.. and only a few more days. my birthday is coming up and I’m broken still. Seen his other friend (girl) – drinking buddy, who have been there in his life earlier than me. He added her again in his list and I remove myself in his.

.. will continue the story of my freaking life.



There is something about him that I can’t seem to let go.

Trying to figure him out everything about him.

His moods. His attitude. The way he thinks.

Why am I so damn freakin attached??!!

Am I obssessed??

Am I so curious to know his character,

that I’m willing to be drawn to him??

Risking my values and traditions of the old ways

(sounds like LOTR) middle earth??

Sometimes I find myself being lost without him.

That I do not know if we part ways

I don’t want to be literally insane.

For I might lose my life.

It really doesn’t make sense,

why I am damn attracted!

I am like a snake that wraps around him.

but I don’t want him to suffucate by my obssessions.

That even the smallest behavior tends to give meaning

by my constant observations and analysis.

I’m afraid I might lose my pride

just to be close, even if I’m tired, I still go on.

But when I’m with him, I don’t feel tired like a heavy burden.

I feel normal, even if I lack sleep or my head hurts.

I just don’t know why!

I don’t want to be depended on someone,

whom I am not sure of what he thinks and feels for me.

I’m sure of I what I feel and it will never fade.

How about him?

For that is the question I truely seek

UPDATE: 02.15.12

Damn! After reading this again… way too extreme



  • I’m Freeeee  from facebook addiction!


  • All I want for Christmas!

Thinking about it and I don’t care if its Samsung or Apple as long as I can render and sketch in the convient of anywhere. Though, Apple is too expensive and I think base on free falling testing, It doesn’t match the durabilty of Samsung Galaxy Tab… so I’m wishing for a Samsung a 10 in would do, but kinda steep…

Damn, I wish I had a fairy godmother who can give me that without breaking a sweat. The only thing I yearn for myself… and I now I have second doubts again for my behalf. Deprivng again. Not complaining just sad.

Thinking about things are easy unlike thinking about people. People are complicated, so I’m focus on a thing I really really want. God, wish we can have a bonus! (I doubt that)

Never again will our path cross
for you have left me behind.
Excluded, forgotten and denied
like I never existed.

We are friends but neither close nor far from strangers
I leave you with no concern nor hate.
For you do your way, and I do mine.

You speak too much
and never listens
A jack of all trades
yet master of non
Intrigued to all,
yet on shallow grounds.

One friend wont make any difference
When one fades away.
For your eyes sees far and wide
And a lot to spare in your way.

I am a ghost that does not speak
a nameless fool yet trying to be meek
excluded not included I’ve always been
so be it may hidden in the eyes of you.