Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Rekindled

Posted: March 4, 2013 in Journal, Life
Tags: , , , ,

Its been 3 months and ? days since I wrote in here, though life is moving.  I decide to move  forward as well.

My 1st bf and I got back together unexpectedly this January and actually tom. is our 2nd Monthsary.  After experiencing  twice the mishap of my love life, I happen to cherish my 1st bf whom I broke up with. I was mean to him when we finally part ways and I try to avoided him, but he persisted until I snap and that is why guilt caused me to look for him because I realize he never did done anything to hurt me. (I was forgiven and took me back again) I was thinking that I helped and cared so much for these 2 exes of mine and nothing good have done to me. Cris broke my heart and Jun just treated me badly, that anger still lingers in me to both.

(Speaking of the devils, Cris tried to contact me through my mom’s cel (March 1) after I recently changed my number. I decided to end any communications with them, not unless they visit my home. Still traumatic from Jun(Angelo) whenever he miss call and one time he texted that he will be visiting the neighborhood and drop by. I never ever wanted that guy again. Never did love him, I just took pity before since he needed some freaking in help in life.)

Anyway, I guess that is the reason why I got back to the person who simply loved me even I’m a moody, angry person. I been broken and scarred for life that I gave up, not wanting anymore guys who I will go through that “getting to know you” phase. I don’t want to be fooled and be used again after everything that soon or later it will leave me with nothing more than a sad and terrible memories that never seems to fade.

Eugene deserves more of  my love and support after all we were together 4 years before and he is like my best friend and I make sure I wont loose him again.  My heart is at peace.

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Everyday, I struggle to be part of society by going to work. Dealing with all kinds of people and sometimes I just wanted to give up, hide myself where I don’t want to know anyone. Sometimes, people are cruel and I really can’t stand it. I know I have to be strong, never cry for they see it, they think that I am weak. The only reason why I cry is that I really can’t say or do things I want, even to defend myself for reasoning. I control my anger, my frustrations, my disappointment sometimes to the people I work with. What I think of them and some situations that has falls on me. All of these are kept hidden inside me and the only thing I let out is tears.

They are nice, but trustworthy… not. You can’t avoid competitions, proving that they are the best in what they do, know-it all and famous closer to the boss. Competitions even if there isn’t. I really don’t care if I’m the best or not in what I do, I’m just doing my job, making ends meet and live through the day each day. I have no intentions of superiorities, kissing ass or making myself be favorable. I just mind my own business when I work.

Gossips, bullying, harassment, back stabbing, subordinating and sabotage one colleague can be experience in a work place depending in what kind of people you work with. We really can’t avoid those kind no matter we mean no harm. I guess some people just seems threaten of ever knowing one capabilities really are. They try to limit information that would help each others of doing a better job performance. They didn’t realize that not only their colleague’s performance fails but the company as well, for they hinder the growth of making progress…

Sometimes, knowing what your colleagues are doing, just seems sad and it’s hard to brush it aside for you realize their character. We are all doing our jobs and want the same thing – and that is to progress, respect and feel self-worthy in a company. If people are always feeling threaten or envy by each other… who is to suffer in the end? … cooperation among piers and helping each other out is the key to have a good work environment.

… I do believe in Karma and the manner on how you treat others, will surely get back at you, one way or the other.

The way to be progressive is bring those who is helping with you go up, not pull them down, just to make them a step-ladder in your personal gain.

Do you really think that we free?


As for me, I don’t think so. Freedom is just a myth in my book – If it were, there wont be any laws to abide, ethics or conscience to uphold me in any way. Be judged upon by people.

We are entitle of free will to make our own choice of actions, but no matter how we make our own decisions, there is always someone who judge us for good or bad things we do. Law and ethics restrict us from ever doing anything we want, though I’m not complaining, for without these responsibilities, we have no order in life.

Freedom of expression…. freedon of speech … or freedom itself, is simply a word. It’s like a glass jar that only can be seen beyond the borders, yet felt the boundaries that keep us back.

Freedom truely exist those who are mentally ill, or maybe criminals, the rebels that goes against the system… that is freedom. Without guilt, without responsibility.. without restriction from the law and society. And if people practice their freedom… good luck with them for in my mind, I am not free.

 

 

Related Topic:

Discovering Your Core Values = Personal and Emotional Freedom


Note: Usually we are caught up in the things that matters in order to survive, to fulfill our needs, but sometimes we should not let our worries and troubles pull us down and rob us from the goodness in life… try to live a little. It is ok to get side track once in awhile a have a good laugh.

If you happen to make an unpleasant remark on something or on someone, make sure it’s updated. You never know time is constantly changing and to assume that you know everything.. make sure of it, otherwise better keep your thoughts to yourself.

Everything I post in here is based on MY opinion …. and my opinion alone. I don’t have the time to write everything that has happen in my life on a daily basis. I only write those that I don’t mind others to read. The purpose of this is just to express myself, my opinions, and to let out my negative vibe, in order for me to free myself of it, otherwise it will only consume me. And also to document my experiences, so I won’t forget.

As life goes on, we do learn something… I do learn something. Oh… and I might miss or misspelled words in here or use wrong grammar… well excuse me.. I’m always in a rush to get back..and sometimes I don’t bother to update on things.

*Giving too much effort on someone can be frustrating, specially when it’s not appreciated.

Silence …. a simple word that leads to many reasons

UPDATE: 07.13.11

A word that simply leads to many…

  •  Don’t know how to react.
  •  Nothing GOOD to say.
  •  Too Lazy to speak.
  •  Means to an END.
  •  Avoiding conflict.
  •  Not a CARE in the world.
  •  No one ever Listens.

……….. SILENCE.

…. what else is there?

*Exception, when done something, even with no words, rather nothing at all.

He greets everyone even from far away lands,

while I listen and do not mind.

But hearing those whom he values and appreciate

Often leaves me feeling small and nothing.

Would it killed him to show some appreciation?

All I ask is a little recognition,

I don’t speak much,

but I listen and support never the less.

I’ve lost faith to ask for songs,

for many times I try, he never listens or acknowledge

Should I not care?

To get rid of my despair.

How long must I try.. trying to be heard.

For all is mention, that leaves nothing else to say.

Some people can easily kills your spirit,

depends whom you look up to..

I just lost mine….

Sometimes, I feel that most DJ’s or other media related,  just seems too stuck up and fakers.. They seem to be so enthusiastic and sounds energetic but, their personality are  somewhat dismay and snobbish. I do have my favorite DJ’s and I guess Koji isn’t my top best anymore. It sad that he doesn’t really cares for me, even he knows how much I adore him or showing some support by focusing only him. I never made any custom message or greetings to any DJ’s except for him.

When I like a person, I have a tendency to make something out of my own effort. I do take time to make something, to let them feel that they are special to me and it hurts me, not hearing anything of recognition, like I never exist.

For me, to be acknowledged by someone who I admire, is more than enough to be happy and a sense of gratification that fulfills it.  It measures the value of ones person to the other, like a self-worth and everybody just wants to feel important. Is that too hard to ask of him? I never for money or love.. just even an ounce of care from a fan.

I hear him on radio, yet his voice is so empty. It felt that time passes by during his shift and I never felt that he ever came on-air. He still poke me back, (whenever he feel like it) but it’s nothing for him. He never reply all my messages before, that came to my senses to lessen it and I just felt that I don’t have anything to say. . .  I just lost the eagerness to know him…

Ignorance of the law is not an excuse, specially in the corporate world. Just when you know people in the corporate world knows it all, they are some idiots still make a huge mistake that cause one simple act.

That act is copying. Anything that you find in the web, whether an article, a photo, or a work of art and claim it be your own is a violation that you can be suited for. People find it easy just to get any resources in net, but they never understand that there are people writers/ artists who created it and some are strictly not to be copied, that is why some photos / images have “Copyright” logo are embed with it. Once you have seen those kind, you never copy that image, not unless you ask permission or if possible buy it from the author or artist.

To get resources without proper guidelines makes you look unprofessional

Never ever copy the exact thing and be stupid enough to publish and distribute it in the World Wide Web or to the masses for you may signing yourself a law suit for you can never know who watches us. It is better to play dumb and let others know your capabilities and skills than acting smart and know NOTHING in what you are doing, for a simple mistake like copying with no other inputs involves can easily shows how incompetent you are. There is no shame in asking and admitting things that we don’t know, because there are also people that involves, for your incompetent and these are the people who trusted you.